I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry my hands just texted you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
