So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
