I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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