i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
