That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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