Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
