I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
