"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
