remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
