Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
