please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
