I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
