Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
