if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
