i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
