Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
