I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
