Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
