No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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