He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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