You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
