he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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