A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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