Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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