you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
