I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
