Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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