i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
