im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
