Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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