He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
