I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
