My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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