I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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