Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
