Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
