I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
