at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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