There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
