I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
