sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
