Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you never un-have a 4some
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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