apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
