Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I could fuck to npr.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
