dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
