Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
