Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
