I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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