Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
