they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
