Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
