Welp...herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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