I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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